We were all devastated by the events of December 14th in
Newtown. Who couldn’t have been? I have to admit, that as a mother
of a teen and a post-teen (he’s 20), I was shaken but not nearly as
much as I was by 9/11 when my boys were younger and in elementary
school. I suppose I should be just as nervous with my boys both on
university campuses each day. Our universities haven’t been
immune to gun violence in recent years. My sister, who has a
daughter in Kindergarten and a preschooler, shared with me last
week that she is still shaken by the Sandy Hook Elementary
shootings. She is nervous every time her children are out of
her sight. Other friends have shared similar lingering
reactions. This week was hard for everyone, with the end of winter
vacation and the return to school. My dear friend Gabrielle
took a moment to put her feelings to words on Monday, as she sent
her 7 year old – and my godson – back to school. 
Broken Dreams
of Safety – Gabrielle
Kaufman
Today, January 7, 2013,
I dropped my son off at school for his first day back to first
grade after winter break. The Friday of his last day of school on
December 14, 2012, was a day many of us remember with horror. 27
murdered. 20 first graders slain. While my child sang, “Mele
Kelikimaka” at the holiday show at his school, some first graders
from another school never came home. The day for them started out
just as ours did, but ended in devastation. Today, the principal
tried to comfort us. “From now on the gates will be locked all day.
Police will visit campus daily.” But, I look at his beautiful
school, surrounded by exposed fences, and I am less than comforted.
As I walk past the police officer, I feel no ease, but rather the
sick realization that this is only a weak attempt to pacify our
anxiety. I don’t blame the principal, the police officer, nor the
LAUSD superintendent. No one can allay our fears today. Because
what happened in Newtown was not supposed to happen. It was not the
result of lax security. It was the stuff of our deepest nightmares.
During this winter break,
my first grader turned 7. My heart ached for the mothers who would
not be able to celebrate their child’s
7th birthday. Those mothers were robbed
of 20 mischievous smiles, whiny frowns, snuggly mornings, and
sugared up frenzies. The innocence of my son’s youth, as we
celebrated one more year of his life, was more poignant this year,
a bitter sweetness. I grasped to capture his essence, trying to
make up for the loss of so many others. Attempting to make sense of
this tragedy is like believing that our children are safe because a
police officer makes a symbolic visit and the school gates are
locked all day. The reality is harsh and cold: we can love and
protect our children only so much, and then they go out to the
world. We want to believe that our world is full of wonder and
beauty. But, excruciatingly we learn, it is also filled with
horrors. As I drive away from campus, my heart is suspended. I
place my right palm on my cheek. My 7 year old kissed my hand this
morning and asked me to hold his kiss all day. If only I could hold
him and keep him truly safe. ; ;
Thank you to everyone for joining me on my blogging journey in 2012. There is lots more to come in 2013!
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.
As the first day of Chanukah is about to close, and the second night about to begin, I have been thinking about some of my favorite Chanukah traditions that I want to make sure not to miss this year. Besides frying up latkes for my family, bringing out all of our chanukiot and dreidels – of which there are many, I have two other favorites.
1. Mushroom Barley Soup
It has somehow become a tradition in our family to have Aunt Beverly’s Mushroom Barley soup with latkes and during the week of Chanukah. It is the perfect counter-balance to the latkes. Today would not have been complete with out me cooking up a batch. It’s on the stove right now. 
Of course you will want the recipe, so here it is.
1 tsp oil
6 stalks celery
2 carrots
1 medium onion
6 cups chicken or vegetable broth
2 or 3 cloves garlic
salt and pepper to taste
1 tsp dill
3/4 cup pearl barley
2 lbs mushrooms, sliced (we like to do a combination of white, crimini, shitake, or whatever you like)
Chop celery, carrots, onion and garlic. Saute in oil 7-8 minutes if desired or just add to liquid. Add liquid, dill, salt and pepper and barley. Cook on low heat for one hour. Add sliced mushrooms and cook an additional 10 minutes.
Of course it is always even better the next day!
2. Listening to Chanukah stories on NPR
Every year Susan Stamberg pulls together a couple of short stories for Hanukkah Lights. 
The stories are always sweet and touching. Stamberg does a wonderful job telling them, with her Jewish mother/Yiddish intonations and inflections. Stories are often about Jewish pride, the strength of family, the messages of Chanukah, and of course Jewish food. They create that quintessential “stay in the car to hear the end of the story” NPR moment. Well worth an hour of listening time! My Chanukah would be unfulfilled if I missed hearing them. Thankfully, we can listen to them online too!
Happy Chanukah to everyone!
November 29, 1947 is a day all Jews should remember. 
Exactly 65 years ago today, the United Nations voted to partition Palestine and create the modern Jewish state of Israel. While Yom Ha’atzmaut, Israeli Independence Day is celebrated in the spring, on the 5th of Iyar (this year on April 15-16, 2013), it is this day in November that helped pave the way for Israeli independence.
Toldot Yisrael is a Jerusalem based nonprofit dedicated to recording and sharing the firsthand testimonies of the men and women who helped found the State of Israel. One of their most powerful videos “The Story of a Vote,” shares the powerful memories of just some of those individuals involved in making this vote happen.
Please take 10 minutes to watch – its worth it!
Do you know someone who was around on November 29, 1947? If so, take a moment today to ask them what they remember of that day. How did it impact them? What were they doing? How did they mark this momentous moment in Jewish history?
Today, again the UN is voting on an issue related to Israel’s existence. Today they vote on upgrading the Palestinians to observer state status in the United Nations.
As I write this, today’s UN vote has not yet taken place. There are those who believe that this vote is dangerous for Israel, and there are those who think that it is a necessary step toward peace between Israel and Palestine. You can read Several interpretations of this day and this vote in today’s The Times of Israel.
Regardless of one’s position, this is a day that will impact Israel’s future and our path toward peace in the region. It is a day that we should all remember.
Od yavo shalom aleinu, v’al kulam, aleinu v’al kol ha’olam. Saalam.
Again peace will come upon us, and on everyone, on us and on all the world.
Shalom.
Saalam.
Peace.
I found a poem I wrote a couple years ago during a NATE conference on spirituality and prayer. Thought I might share it with you.
Together we join
Enveloped in…
Finding
Inner and outer – ness
Longing, looking, linking
Across time and space
Hearts, heads and hands
Tonight is Rosh Chodesh Kislev.
Here in Fresno, California a group of 25 women from Temple Beth Israel gathered together to study Torah and midrash, recite Sh’ma while wearing tallitot (some for the first time!) and holding the Torah. We cherish our freedom to worship as Reform Jews, as women with equal access to all aspects of Jewish practice and observance.
At almost the exact moment that we were praying for the safety of our sisters in Jerusalem who were gathering at the Kotel as Women of the Wall, several individuals from amongst the Women of the Wall were being detained and arrested for the simple act of wearing a tallit. They do not have the same freedom to pray as Jews in the Jewish homeland.
Hear, O Israel. Hear our voices raised in prayer. Hear our voices declare that the God of Israel is our God. Hear our voices make known God’s message to the world. As long as there is breath in our lungs we will proclaim God’s name – out loud. We will not be silenced.
Hear us, O Israel. Through our tears of anger and anguish, with joy and love for our people, despite our outrage and indignation, hear our voice.
God says, “Cry with a full throat, do not hold back; let your voice resound like a shofar!” (Isaiah 58:1)
This week we lost another luminary of Reform Judaism, Cantor William Sharlin. Some of my earliest Jewish memories are of Cantor Sharlin. He was cantor at Leo Baeck Temple in Los Angeles for his whole career.
My parents belonged to Leo Baeck when I was born. Cantor Sharlin officiated at my twin sister’s and my baby naming. (I admit I don’t remember that). We were consecrated there. I have memories of that joyous evening, marking the beginning of my Jewish education and receiving my own mini Torah – which I still have. While soon after that, my parents made the decision to shift their membership to another congregation, they maintained their relationships with the clergy at Leo Baeck through their ongoing and very active involvement in the Los Angeles Jewish community.
Many years later, as a second year student at HUC-JIR I had the honor of studying with Cantor Sharlin. He offered an elective class in Torah chanting. While I am not a very confident singer, I wanted to both learn how to chant more proficiently and to experience learning with him. While I still haven’t become a proficient Torah chanter – I need lots of practice before doing it (unlike Rick who can cite chant from the tikkun) – the memories I have of the stories Cantor Sharlin told, the conversations we had about Jewish music, and the impression he made on me as model member of the Jewish clergy remain with me today.
I am compelled to share one of those memories with you.
It was the first day of our Torah chanting class. Cantor Sharlin was trying to get to know each of the students in the class. He went around the room, asking us to share a bit about ourselves and especially our Hebrew names. Given that it was a class in Torah chanting, he wanted to know and use our Hebrew names when it was our turn to chant.
When it was my turn to share a bit about myself, I didn’t really need to say so much. Cantor Sharlin knew exactly who I was. He remembered me as Mark and Marsha’s daughter. So, I shared a bit about where I had gone to university, what I was hoping to get out of the class. I was about to say, “and my Hebrew name is…” when Cantor Sharlin stopped me.
“I know your Hebrew name. It’s הדסה בתיה, Hadasah Batya. And your sister’s name is דבורה שושנה, Devorah Shoshanah.”
My classmates and I were astounded!
Over 20 years had passed since our baby naming! How many other babies had he named in the two plus decades? How many b’nai mitzvah had he trained? Weddings officiated? How was it possible that he could remember our names?
As a rabbi who has officiated at not nearly as many baby namings as Cantor Sharlin had at that point in his 40+year career, and one who cannot remember the names of all those babies, I am even more inspired by Cantor Sharlin. The attention and focus he must have given to each of these rituals, to make them meaningful and special for each family surely must have contributed to his ability to remember names. In that moment he taught us all what it means to be a member of the clergy.
On a final note, it wouldn’t be right to leave this blog post without some music from Cantor Sharlin. My favorite piece is one that he arranged with Debbie Friedman and can be heard in NFTY albums of days past, Lo Yarei’u combined with Lo Yisa Goy. You can read about it and hear just a piece of it here in this URJ Ten Minutes of Torah by Cantor Kay Greenwald.
May Cantor Sharlin’s memory be a blessing and may his music bring joy and inspiration to us all for many more years to come.
I have followed the work of The Search Institute for years. They continue to be at the forefront of research on how communities, schools and faith-based groups can best support teens. Their work has inspired many more efforts in this area. It has inspired me.
The Search Institute just released new research in a project called Teen Voice. Search went directly to teens (1,860 15-year-olds in three cities across the United States) to learn what they need from adults. You can download a report of the study to read more. For those who want the down-and-dirty, here are the top ten tips from teens to adults:
1. Look at us.
2. Spend time talking with us.
3. Listen.
4. Be dependable.
5. Show appreciation for what we do.
6. Relax.
7. Show that you’re interested.
8. Laugh with us (and at yourself).
9. Ask us to help you.
10. Challenge us.
So often we – adults – think that teens don’t want to “waste” their time with adults. They’d rather be with their friends, listen to their music, anything else. But that isn’t true. Teens want to connect with us. They yearn for that connection and those meaningful conversations.
Do you have a teen in your life that you connect with in one of these meaningful ways? If not, consider creating one of those relationships.
Try it, you’ll like it. And s/he will never forget it.
My son climbed in the car after school recently with lots of news to share. I know that when he has a lot to say its been a good day. On this particular day we began talking about the friends he had been making at his new high school. A group of guy friends were talking about the girls in the school and who they “liked.” 
Max said to me, in describing a conversation between a two of his friends, “he got friend zoned.”
Friend zoned?
Now, for the last 15 years I have worked professionally with teens and on behalf of teens, developing programs for youth to remain engaged in their Jewish communities and helping them develop a sense of personal Jewish ethics. I have always made it a practice to stay up-to-date on adolescent trends, pop culture, music, literature, etc.
Since 1998, when directing the Contra Costa Midrasha and had late night drives home, I’ve listened to Dr. Drew Pinsky on Loveline. Teens and young adults call in with questions about sex, relationships and drugs. (I suppose this was one of my first real studies of adolescent sexuality and sexual ethics.)
I remember that NFTY Convention in D.C. when we got snowed in. I put the last group of NFTYites on the plane back home to California after 2 extra days in D.C.. While sitting in the California Pizza Kitchen in Reagan National Airport waiting for their flights to depart we had a very open and frank conversation about “hooking up”, relationships in NFTY, language they use to talk about their relationships, Monica Lewinsky, and what this all meant to them in their lives.
I’ve read all the Twilight books, and loads of other teen lit. (See my reading list page)
Friend zone. That was a new one! I had to learn more.
“What is friend zoned?” I asked.
“That’s when a girl/boy tells you they just want to be friends. S/he doesn’t want any more.”
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing? To be friend zoned.”
“It’s neither. It just is.”
We continued for a couple of moments more and then the conversation turned to other things on his mind like orchestra class sectional challenges and a math test.
Turns out friend zone is not a new term. It has existed in pop culture conversation for a while now. But it seems that it is now growing in usage – at least in our little world here.
Regardless, the point is that I love that teens either make up or apply language to help them navigate through their relationships.
One of the most important things our teens can learn is to communicate with their peers about their relationships with each other. Without the ability to speak to each other openly and honestly, our teens run the risk of getting hurt, getting taken advantage of, making decisions they are not 100% comfortable with…
With the ability to speak with each other openly and honestly, our teens can learn how to navigate their way through their relationships. They learn to reflect upon and articulate their feelings, their needs and wants, their hopes and fears. They may still make decisions they aren’t 100% proud of, but they may also have the confidence and comfort to discuss the situation with their partner, parents or friends.
And they don’t have to use our, boring, out-dated adult language. (Dating… One night stand… ) If they have a shared, jointly understood lingo that they can use to communicate with each other, wonderful! That means they are talking to each other!
So, I am adding “friend zone” to my vocab list for conversations with my son.
P.S. For Jewish curricular materials on teaching teens the value of communication and how to go about doing it, check out the URJ‘s curriculum on adolescent relationships and sexual ethics, Sacred Choices.
P.P.S. Wrote this post last night. Later on had a conversation with my son in which I actually made appropriate use of “friend zone” in our conversation. He didn’t even blink when I said it. Parents – learn their lingo and then talk to your kids!
As my bread machine is kneading my challah dough, and the turkey for tonight’s Shabbat dinner is in the slow cooker, I am reflecting on my week as woman, a mother and a Jew.
Monday
We are all talking about Malala Yousafzai, the young woman (she’s only 14) from Pakistan who has been shot in the head by the Taliban for the simple act of seeking an education.
Tuesday evening, erev Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan 
A night of dismay, sadness and anger mixed with pride and hopefulness. Here in the United States we watched presidential candidate Mitt Romney mention his “binders of women”and President Barack Obama voice full support of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and of the full equal rights, and reproductive rights of women.
At the same time, our Jewish sisters in Israel were marking the beginning of the new month of Cheshvan by gathering as Women of the Wall. They were joined by hundreds of women from Hadassah, The Women’s Zionist Organization of America, who are currently in celebrating the 100th Anniversary of the organization and its contributions to Israel and Israeli society. Sadly, once again, their celebrations and prayers were interrupted by the arrest of several women, including Anat Hoffman, for singing the Shema out loud. The charge – “disturbing the peace”. I am left speechless.
Wednesday morning
I join some of my book group members for a morning with Gloria Steinem. Hosted by the San Joaquin Valley Town Hall, Steinem spoke passionately, calmly and inspirationally about her work – our work – in pursuit of social justice. She spoke about how those of us working toward social justice must all stand together. Whether it is the fight for women’s rights, LGBT rights, fighting racism, working to heal the environment or to end poverty, we all are linked by the common belief in the equal humanity of all persons and shared values. I return home grateful for the women and men who paved a path for me to be who I am today. I return home grateful for having found a group of women who support each other as we gather around our proverbial camp fire each month at our book group gatherings.
Thursday
Having struggled all week to make and eat dinner with my family, we finally sit down together for the first time since Monday. (I think we had dinner together then…its been so long I can’t remember.) Even if its only 30 minutes together before we are all off to our respective evening activities, homework, meetings, it’s a time to touch base, reconnect, laugh together, and of course debate who is going to do the dishes.
…After I do the dishes, I go through the snail mail. It contains not just one, but two separate items from Planned Parenthood, asking me to increase my pledge this year, and even put PPFA in my will. Once again, I am scared. Women’s access to health care is threatened. VOTE!
Today, Friday
The parsha for this Shabbat is Noach. I recall the story of the flood and the covenant God made with humanity to not destroy the world again. 
I think of a common question asked on this Shabbat, “What was Noah’s wife’s name?” The light-hearted answer: Mrs.Noah. The real answer: we don’t know. Her voice was silenced in the Torah. Like our sister’s voices were silenced this week at the Wall.
I am looking forward to Shabbat dinner with my family and to being together for Shabbat services tonight, where I know we can all sing and pray together as one community. The challah is now rising. The turkey smells delicious.
My prayer this Shabbat:
May we have a Shabbat of peace around the world. May we all continue to work together for justice and equal rights for all human beings. May we together create spaces for all voices to be heard, for all to be able to learn and sing. May we all see the rainbow as a reminder of not only God’s promise to us, but also of our promise to God.
Rabbi Laura 